As a leader, I’ve learned that feedback is one of the most powerful levers we have to influence performance, shape culture, and inspire growth. But it’s also one of the most misunderstood.
I’ve seen talented managers shy away from delivering honest criticism because they fear damaging relationships. I’ve also seen leaders overemphasize positive reinforcement to the point where it loses its meaning. And I’ve been guilty of both myself.
The conversation about negative feedback vs positive feedback isn’t just about which one is “better.” It’s about knowing when, how, and why to use each, so the person on the receiving end walks away not just with information, but with the belief they can rise to the challenge.
Over the years, I’ve been on both sides of the table, giving feedback and receiving it. The moments that stayed with me weren’t always the easiest to hear. They were the ones where someone cared enough to be honest, yet believed enough in me to say, “I know you can do better, and I’ll help you get there.”
That’s the balance every great leader needs to master. And it’s one of the principles I explore in How to Be a Leader: 10 Practical Steps to Lead with Confidence and Purpose because confidence and purpose aren’t built in isolation; they’re shaped by the conversations we choose to have.
The Real Difference Between Negative Feedback and Positive Feedback
Before we get into feedback examples, let’s clarify the difference:
- Positive feedback reinforces what’s working. It builds confidence, highlights strengths, and helps people understand which behaviors to repeat.
- Negative feedback or as I prefer to call it, constructive feedback, points out where improvement is needed. Done well, it’s specific, respectful, and tied to solutions, not personal attacks.
Neither is “good” or “bad” on its own. The danger lies in overusing one and neglecting the other. Positive feedback without honesty breeds complacency. Negative feedback without support breeds fear.
The right feedback, delivered with care, bridges the two.
My Personal Approach to Giving Feedback
Here’s the principle I live by: Feedback is for the person receiving it, not the person giving it.
It’s not my chance to prove how much I know or to vent my frustration. It’s a leadership tool one that requires intention, tone, and timing.
And timing matters as much as the words themselves. In my recent Forbes article on the power of language, I wrote that the words we choose as leaders send signals—whether we mean them to or not. Feedback is no exception. Every phrase shapes how our message lands and how it’s remembered.
Before I give feedback, I always ask myself:
- Intention: Am I here to build up or tear down?
- Tone: Am I speaking with respect and clarity?
- Timing: Is this the right moment for the person to receive it?
Feedback Examples That Inspire Growth, Not Resistance
Let’s go beyond theory. Here are feedback examples that I’ve used and refined over the years, examples that turn potentially uncomfortable moments into opportunities for growth.
Positive Feedback Example
“I noticed how well you handled that client objection during the meeting. You stayed calm, asked great questions, and turned the conversation around. That kind of presence really strengthens the team.”
Why it works: It’s specific, it praises the process as well as the result, and it reinforces the exact behavior you want to see again.
Negative (Constructive) Feedback Example
“I’ve seen a few reports come in with missed deadlines this quarter. I know you’re managing a lot, but I’d love to work with you on creating a structure that supports more consistent delivery. Let’s set up a time to talk through what’s getting in the way.”
Why it works: It focuses on the work, not the person. It shifts from blame to partnership, and it offers a path forward.
The Common Pitfalls Leaders Make with Feedback
When it comes to negative feedback vs positive feedback, I’ve noticed three mistakes that even well-meaning leaders make:
- Being vague: “Good job” or “You need to improve” doesn’t tell anyone what to repeat or change.
- Waiting too long: Feedback loses power when it’s delayed; issues grow and trust erodes.
- Letting emotions lead: Feedback given in anger rarely inspires improvement.
These aren’t just leadership mistakes, they’re missed opportunities to strengthen relationships.
Balancing Positive and Negative Feedback
Some leaders follow the “three positives for every negative” rule. While I don’t believe in rigid ratios, the principle holds: If people trust that you see their strengths, they’re more open to hearing where they can improve.
In my own leadership practice, I make it a point to:
- Recognize small wins consistently, so feedback isn’t only associated with mistakes.
- Address challenges promptly and privately.
- End every feedback conversation with a next step or plan for improvement.
It’s not about sugarcoating. It’s about balance and balance builds trust.
The Toughest Feedback I Ever Received
Years ago, I was leading a high-stakes project and thought I was doing everything right. After a tense client meeting, my mentor said: “Matt, you’re brilliant at seeing the big picture. But today, you bulldozed over your team’s ideas and they shut down. If you want to lead them, you have to let them lead too.”
It was direct. It was hard to hear. But it was also one of the most valuable pieces of feedback I’ve ever received. It didn’t just correct my course it changed the way I approach leadership entirely.
Final Thought: Feedback as a Leadership Superpower
Leadership is not about having all the answers. It’s about creating an environment where people can grow into their potential. Whether you’re giving praise or pointing out a gap, your feedback can either fuel progress or shut it down.
Choose your words with care. Deliver them with empathy. And lead every conversation with the intention to build, not break.
If you want to explore more of the practices that have shaped my leadership journey, you’ll find them in my book, Leadership Orbit. It’s a guide for leaders who want to inspire, influence, and create sustainable success not just for themselves, but for their teams and organizations.
Because at the end of the day, feedback isn’t just about performance. It’s about people. And when people believe they can grow, they almost always will.
